Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
