It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
