Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
