Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
