I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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