I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
