I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
