I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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