we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
