I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
