Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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