I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
