did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
