This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
