mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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