pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
