I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
