i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
