Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
