the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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