Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
