Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
