no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
