Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
this is an emotional support booty call
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
