This is not my ceiling
you guys were way drunker than both of me
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
and i looked up. we had an audience...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
