I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
