He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
