I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
vagina is talking i cant
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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