walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My vagina is officially offended.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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