the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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