We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
