she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
