How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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