yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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