I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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