Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
