explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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