you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
