no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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