All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
