I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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