the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
