I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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