just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
