I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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