I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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