I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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