This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
