i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
