shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
