i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
