the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
