Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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