you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
