So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
