i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
