I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
