May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
