dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
