Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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