im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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