watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Randomize
