just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You can't motorboat a personality
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
