you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
They have beer where we have blood.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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