Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize