Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
