I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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