So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
