Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
