You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
where does the pee come out of this thing
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
