That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
