Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
