there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
