May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
