just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
