I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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