Don't you send me to vm
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
