Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
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I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
PANTIES FOUND
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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