I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
