Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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