it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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