My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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