wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
