Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
