my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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