Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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