He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
