Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
