I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
