We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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