Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
